The art of saying "no"

One of the things that I was asked when I interviewed here at Andre House was how I felt saying “no” to people. There are a lot of situations that we as staff encounter every day that require us to act almost contrary to the mission we try to fulfill. A simple example that can illustrate my point is handing out ice. Every day from 1300-1500 we offer ice to anyone who requests it and has their own container. At 1501, we stop offering ice. It is very important that we stick to this rule. If we go beyond that time window, there can be all sorts of conflict that arise. From day to day, a different person fulfills this duty. If I offer ice beyond the set time window one day, people are going to give the next person doing ice a hard time for not giving him/her ice at 1505. “The guy yesterday gave me ice at this time. Why can’t you?” It seems silly to some, but the guests can get very upset over this sort of thing. It is easier just to say, every day of the week, “we stop serving ice at 1500. You’re late so you don’t get any.” There can be exceptions to this, but it has to be a good reason. This is where our judgment comes in. Someone on the verge of passing out deserves some cold water. They also deserve to have the fire department come and check them out (the fire department out here operates the ambulances).

So how do I feel about saying no? This might come across as impersonal and uncaring, but I have no problem telling people that I can’t help them. This is mostly in the case of routine services we provide. For example, people come to us in the clothes closet an hour after we started. We will not make an exception for them. Most of the people we serve are here every day of the year and they know the way they operate. The fact that we won’t help them is not an issue of not caring on our part, but an issue of the guest not caring enough to get there on time. They know the rules we have in place and the times we operate. Most will not have a problem leaving empty handed because they were late, but word of an exception goes around quickly.

I guess another good way to think of this is giving change to a beggar on any random street in any random city. As soon as you give one person change, every person who saw you do that expects you to give them change too. Soon you are being mobbed by people asking you for change. That last part is a little bit of an exaggeration (and a reference to South Park), but you get the point.

There is, however, a certain balance that must be found concerning this. There are many situations in which we turn people away, but it is mostly only temporary. Most of the services we provide will be available the next day, and the one thing most of the homeless have plenty of is time. There are situations, though, that we can make exceptions. If someone comes to us nearly or completely naked, we will definitely help them out and get them some clothes, no matter what time of day. If there is a mother with an infant (there a few cases of this), I don’t think any of the staff would think twice about bringing them cold water, no matter what time of day.

Again, some of this seems heartless and cold, but respect for our rules is one thing that keeps our operation running smoothly.